My mother scolded me, not only once or twice, for being disobedient to the things she keeps on telling me. How many times? I’m not sure. Her request was simple. And so I nodded at first thinking that I could do what she wanted me to. Yeah, but... It seemed easy, I had forgotten. It seemed easy, it just passed my mind. 3 hours and a few minutes wasn’t that long, I suppose, but there I went running towards home, happily singing and jumping and humming a new tune I just learned from school. I greeted my mom and showed her the star my teacher gave me.
She attempted to smile, I’m sure I saw it. Then like a sudden whip of her hardworking hands, they made it’s way near my collar and checked my pink necktie falling, wet at some point, below my neck.
“Kapila na ka naho gi-ingnan nga di kan-on ang necktie! How many times have I told you not to bite your necktie?”, the dragon breathed out the dangerous fire once again.
I was just 2 then. I went to a Day Care Center and it so happened that the uniform little girls are required to wear includes a tiny pink necktie. It wasn’t really necessary, but for fashion’s sake, many believed it was a must. I followed the norm and worn the uniform as graceful as I can. The grace seemed temporary, however. Especially at times when my hand unconsciously picked up the pink tie that goes straight to my mouth. It became a habit I subconsciously learned to love and repeat over and over again. Every day became another day of disobedience. Every day, one pink necktie was punished, bit and chewed. Every day, one pink necktie went home crumpled and used.
I was just 2 then. Put zero beside it and I’m 18 years older.
Sadly, there’s no more pink necktie now.
No more dress code to follow.
No more rules to abide.
There’s too much freedom I can make my own regulations. Too much freedom there’s no one to disobey.
I miss being a child. I miss being unknowing and naive. I’m 20 now...a woman, that’s what they say. I can never wear that pink necktie once again. I’m now a woman. But I can wear a pink scarf, perhaps. I still have to find out what I’m gonna do with it. There may be no more pink necktie and disobedience now, but definitely there will be a pink scarf and that little bit of sin waiting for me.
