The Legend of the Big Nose Monster: Star, Darkness, Etc.

So, now I am the star. Thanks for giving me the fame I never asked for.

I did not expect this to reach this level. I thought the Big Nose Monster was just part of a delusion. I thought she only existed in my imagination that in a given snap, she will disappear. I was too confident I thought she was a nightmare I could always escape by waking up. ‘Lo and behold! I thought I was the only one fighting against this silent battle. But then I learned she has gotten ready her troupe, anytime ready to attack me.

I’m aware of the things I did in her class, most especially the things I didn’t. I am a big fan of the golden rule anyway; that could be the reason. "Do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you." Whatever is given to me, I give back all the same, particularly if it leans on the negative side.

However, that one day when I did not show up in class, I felt something was different. I was told she discussed about my shortcomings; without my presence, that is, in front of the whole class. The Big Nose Monster acted like a villain pretending to show concern for me, but pulling me down anyway, slowly all at the same time. While I was away and quiet, she destroyed me as she projected her self-destruction to me, perhaps wanting a companion in a destruction she enjoyed so much. So she told my classmates about this and that about me. So much the same with how I talk about her in front of them, then. The only difference is, they agree with me. I don’t know with her. Well, I’m not really sure, but who would not want to assume? So with that, I guess the feeling is neutral. So OK. We hate each other.

My classmates tell me to give in to her just in the few remaining months for the semester and try to prove her wrong about her perception about me. But then I answer, “If I do it, if do better in class, will it really bring some change?” I don’t think so. My image has been distorted inside her brain, so much like hers in mine. Yeah. I have my weaknesses. I do not deny that. But this is not my fault alone. Both of us contributed a conflict in this commotion.

But I’m not giving up. The moment I knew she was fighting back, I have decided to make the fight worth it. Seldom do I engage in situations like this - might as well aim for victory.

Don’t ever ask me why. The only answer you will get is: “Why not?”

When a star is born, it doesn’t really shine its brightest all at once. It waits until it grows. And when it does, its glow will even be brighter than what is expected.

Watch out. I will be that star. She wanted me to be one. Then I will be.

Sex and Indie Films

When darkness slowly invades the upper part of the horizon, lights begin to flood the highways. But beneath those big lamp posts are tiny little dark corners where the shadows lurk. And in those little shaded angles fire up a flesh warming extravaganza – what we all know as sex.


Lights. Camera. Action.

UPV Indie Org Logo.

I dream of becoming a film maker. I like to write. And I want to see my writings in motion the way I imagined them to be. In the big screen, maybe? Too ambitious. But yeah, reality check. Film making is not as easy as imagining things. The mind of a writer travels as far as he wants to go the second he wishes to do so. It takes him wherever his story leads  him.

I see a crowded disco bar. Bodies move. Sensual and free. Glistening sweat slowly drip from the hair to the neck. To the collar bone and to the cleavage of this one wasted girl intimately dancing from one man to another. Her long hair, wet and messed up, stick to her sweaty skin. Not paying attention to her being wasted, she continues dancing as she approaches a waiter and asks for another drink. No, she begged for a drink...and somehow is near to breaking down as her forehead begins to wrinkle, her mouth begins to frown and her eyes begin to water.

And then, in just a few seconds...
There’s a man in his forties alone in a dark and dirty prison cell. He sits against the wall. His knees are curled up to his body and his head is buried between the legs. He whispers words only he can understand. Another language, maybe. Or a dialect he grew up with in a region only he can tell. He raises his head. It feels the wall behind him. He starts with a grin and then it becomes laughter. He bangs the back of his head to the wall. The laughter grows louder. But I’m not anymore certain if it is just laughter by itself. I can hear pain and regret.



Back to reality. See what I mean? Only the imagination can do that. However, in film making, you can’t be on your own and then...it’s done! You need people to work with. Creativity is just part of the whole thing. Technical crews, creative team, talents, financers. All these are just few of the things to be considered in making a film. Good thing, Indie Films are “in” these days. And to state a fact, according to various publicities Indie Films are considered the country’s front strategy to uplift our own entertainment industry. The awards Filipino Film Makers have gathered in and out of the country are actual evidences how good or how high our potential really is in the field.

Indie Films are low budgeted films usually tackling issues in the society affecting the majority. Others engaged in this field call it Guerrilla Film Making. According to Mr. Jurilla, one of the speakers on a workshop I have attended, “Guerrilla” means an act of deviance for the common good. Most Indie Films engage on topics mainstream movies do not embark upon. It deals with issues rather not brought about in a confrontation, but only silently ignored and left untouched in the minds of individuals. These kinds of film are not made for commercialization. Most of all, it calls for action among its viewers.

But one thing, utterly obvious, upsets me. Why do most Indie Films tackle about sexuality? About gays and lesbos? About the red light business? About sexual harassments and sexual discriminations? 

A scene from Serbis. Directed by Brillante Ma. Mendoza.

Poster of Lihim Ni Antonio. A film by Joselito Altejeros.

Sexuality is not the only problem the society faces. There are so many things that we need to attend to other than sex, lust and the likes. Education. Employment. Politics. Economy. Religion. Family. These are rather more important issues than what had become a trend subject for most Indie Films.

A scene from the film UPCAT. Directed by Roman Olivares.

A scene in Anita Linda's tribute indie film "Adela." Directed by Adolfo Alix Jr.

“Indie Films are low budgeted films usually tackling issues”, but nobody in history defined it as cheap films all because of its content and how the concept is executed!
“Indie Film making is an act of deviance for the common good.” What does sex contribute for the common good then?
“These kinds of film are not made for commercialization.” Well, sex sells.
“It calls for action among its viewers.” What action does sex suggest from its viewers?


I haven’t started my own film yet. But I will be - starting in Indie Org.


When darkness begins to embrace the light, it’s not just about the flesh anymore and what it needs. It could be many things.

Defeat. Sorrow. Death. Losing direction. Frustration. Addiction. After all, it depends on the creativity of the imagination. And creativity is not always about sex.

The Legend of the Big Nose Monster

(I do not intend to be disrespectful.)

 

Her nose is big and she knows it. Mine is just half of what she has on the middle of her face.

I don’t have to define in detail how big it really is. I give you the freedom to imagine.

Imagine the volume of air entering her nose all at once. Or what else could get inside her nose? We do not know.

Imagine the degree of air blowing my hair away during her exhalation, which is not rare. Most especially when she’s exasperated or when she’s attacked by her surprisingly childish tantrums in spite of her age, which by the way, happens almost every time we meet.

How monstrous could the Big Nose Monster get?

A BIG (nose) SIGH FROM ME. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate her because of her immeasurable nose. That’s superficial.

Now let me tell you the story...

She used to be somebody I look up to. She’s eloquent in words. She always made sure she is presentable in class. She had lots of beautiful plans for her students. I saw her interest and passion in her profession. There was happiness in her eyes when she was teaching, although she did not bother to express them in words. She knew what she was doing.

But all my praises turned into cuss words when the model professor I used to admire became different. Different in the sense that she lost her “built-in” enthusiasm that I noticed during the first few months since I met her.

Her attendance in class can now be counted. Or if she comes in class, she’s late. She is whiny and sleepy!!! Class activities are now passed through email. The true sense of open class discussions and pop quizzes deteriorates.

Well, it could have been better that way, whether I get a grade lower than the average or higher. Better that way, whether I come to class prepared or clueless. I don’t care. Better that way than this way when her lack of enthusiasm affects me and brings out the worst of what I could become.

I lose the eagerness of coming to her class. I refuse to listen to what she tells us. I always find the lessons lacking. The discussions only reach the surface level of every topic being argued about. Huh, my mind is not on a diet to deserve this kind of teaching! Leftovers --- seems like she dwells on issues we’ve already gotten used to. No more thrill. All those become tasteless. Food for the brain? Not anymore, but poison.

Just earlier, I remember her say, “Thanks to the previous classes for making your lives easier.” Fine. Thank you previous classes.

Another BIG (nose) SIGH. How I wish I could thank her as well. But I just can’t find enough reason to do so. Right now.

What has she done to our lives? She took the joy out of us. Took the joy out of learning. By the way, I want it clear. I am not looking for ease. Neither am I looking for complication. I want a little bit or maybe too much of both. Just both. And since she became different, as I mentioned above, the highs and lows are gone. She had created a pattern I always come to figure out and sadly, get worn out with. I want it unpredictable. I want it fun...like the old days? I hope she could remember.

Whew! Well, she has her own reason why such is such. Internal clash maybe? Or perhaps some environmental consequences she chose to keep for herself? But without hypocrisy, whatever nightmare she’s in right now, I want her to wake up and realize there’s still a world that awaits her, real world for that matter--- crash out of course the creatures she has seen in her bad dreams.

I think the Big Nose Monster is not really that bad. She just had forgotten how to be good. Or it could be that she’d gotten tired of being good and took a little break. Or she just wanted to try something new for a while. Or... So on and so forth. Point is, she can’t be like that forever.

At the end of the day, the Big Nose Monster continues to breathe.

And it still remains a mystery what else could get inside a nose as big as hers.